I'll be back

'Time flies when you are heaving fun', is an ancient and well known saying. It seems only a couple of months  ago that I boarded a big blue bird, not Pino, at Schiphol airport, bound for Canada. And here I am back in the Netherlands spat out by a similar blue bird, writing this last blog. Yep, cause I cannot write about 'Howiddiz in  Canada' when I am not actually there. Journalist do it all the time, I know, but I am not a journalist. What better thing to do than ponder how my stay in the Fraser Valley has been? Nope, cannot come up with one myself either.

I have been asked numerous times whether I was going to stay in Canada? This often prompted the question what advantages Canada has over the Netherlands? As with many things there are 'pros and cons. From a philosophical point of view, it all depends on what you want from life. Are you in to nature, then Canada is a great place to be. No traffic jams when hiking, cycling or driving through national parks. And there are real wild animals, that can kill you. Compare that to encountering a fox or badger. Plenty of space to lose yourself in a variety of outdoor sports as well. Undeniably, from this point of view Canada is the way to go.

On the other hand, for those among us that do not have rich parents from whom a lot of money can be inherited, won the lottery or had a windfall of another kind, it still means that work has to be done to get bread on the table, preferably with a spread as well. Sitting behind my desk in my apartment in Surrey was no different from doing the same in the Netherlands. And like in the Netherlands, you have to fight your way through traffic to get to work as well. No need to go to Canada for that. 

Canada is not particularly cheap either. Paying the bill after filling my basket at Superstore, often made me wonder what I actually had gotten for the amount paid. Petrol on the other hand is dirt cheap. How on earth is it possible that Rutte still has not gotten his finances in order when he is raking in a huge amount of money via petrol the Dutchies put in their cars. Canadians only pay € 0,70 per liter. Nope, no typo. And the myth that Canadians travel huge distances is not entirely correct either. Most of the people living in or around Vancouver, more or less stay there. Only in the summer, when campers are wheeled out of storage, do the distances traveled increase. Much like the Dutchies that tow their caravan to the Riviera in southern France. The trip that miss P. and I took last year to Fort St. John, 1300 km north of the Fraser Valley, is not taken by many Vancouver residents. Mind you, most of them have never been out of the valley in their entire life. 

Having said all this, I felt quite at home in British Columbia. Also because my family living there felt the urge to feed me every now and then to save me from starvation. Hospitality is written with a capital 'H' over there, something many Dutchies can take as an example. 

It is therefore that I can say wholeheartedly, 'I'll be back'...

Ps.
I hope you have enjoyed the glimpses of the Fraser Valley given via this blog as much as I have, writing them. All the best in 2015. Do the things you want, not what people want you to do.

Home trainer

Propelling myself on a bicycle through busy traffic is not the first thing that springs in mind when I have to choose a means of transport. Although downtown Vancouver has the odd cycle lane painted on asphalt, this is not a common sight in Surrey or Richmond. And where the council has made the effort to create cycle lanes, it is not always clear to the intended user what to do with them. 

  

Not that you are safe in a cycle lane. Other road users, in articular drivers of full size pick up trucks with side mirrors sticking out half a car width, do not take much notice of cyclists, and rush uncomfortably close past the unnerved cyclist. It would not be the first time that a cyclist, totally unaware of the pick up truck intending to overtake him, got whacked out of his toe-clips by the right door mirror. 

Being a cyclist in British Columbia, and when venturing out onto the asphalt ribbons, places you pretty close to being outlawed and having to fend for yourself I figured out. 

But not to worry I thought, because Canada has an abundance of space, filled with nature. Heaven on earth for cyclist who want to do a bit of off roading. Mountain biking seems to me the solution to avoid the dangers of pick up truck infested asphalt. On top of that, it brings you closer to nature as well. As has been demonstrated before, you can overdo it a bit and find yourself with the handlebars of your mountain-bike deeply buried in the fur of a grizzly-bear. Too close for comfort I would say. But nevertheless, an unforgettable experience.

Not that bears are the only thing mountain-bikers should worry about I found on the Vancouver Sun website:

'Woman allegedly ‘caught in the act’ of dragging debris onto trails'

Neither to be blamed on immature behavior, as the lady in question happened to be 64 years old, nor on a game of 'giant Mikado', as there were no giants spotted in the vicinity of late. 

There you have it. When it is not safe to ride ones bicycle on the street nor in the woods, there is only one solution left for the persevering cyclist. It is safe, dry, tiring, but also very, very boring. 

A home trainer...

Blissful

Having been in Canada for more than 5 months I thought I had a fair idea of the extent of the English language. Well, as it seems there still are words that I have not heard of before. 'Noseblind' is one of the words I came across, while being bombarded by TV-commercials. Not that it is easy to avoid. Not at all. Unlike in the Netherlands where commercials have a far smaller share than the actual program one is watching, they are more on an even foot over here. After 8 minutes, more or less, of watching the actual program, 4 minutes of commercials are poured out over the viewers. And it gets even worse during prime-time. Pretty annoying. It would be a bit more bearable when commercials would be about stuff that would potentially enrich ones life, or at least would arouse the interest of the viewer. Or when the commercial itself would create a smile on ones face, irrespective of the product advertised. It does not. No difference with the Netherlands here. As it seemed, being 'noseblind' is something that has to be avoided at all cost according to the advertisement. And of course, the advertiser did have the product to counter any negative outcomes of being 'nose blind'. I almost fell over by the sheer ingenuity of the marketing boys and girls. Convincing someone that there is a problem whereas the person in question does not have the slightest idea of the existence of the problem sec. Brilliant. And I immediately saw the potential of this marketing strategy.  

What about bombarding the public with the suggestion that they will have a huge problem because their shoe-laces are not tied properly. Imagine yourself stumbling over them and falling head first into oncoming traffic. Not nice at all. However, I would be there to come to the rescue with the ultimate solution to this all consuming problem. The Versatile Loafer, or LV, as I would label my product would immediately annihilate the problem. A textbook example of a 'win-win' situation.

But seriously, to parrot the title of one of Phil Collins' records, how daft does one have to get to fall for the nonsense of marketeers? From Thomas Gray's poem 'Ode on a distant prospect of Eton College' we have learned that 'ignorance is bliss'. No need to worry about something you do not know is the main message. 

There you have it. Rather than trying to talk people into something they do not have, and subsequently do not need a cure for, marketeers should focus on how to get people in a state of being dumbstruck, stupefied, dumbfounded, astounded, astonished, startled, jolted, amazed, blown away, flabbergasted, stunned or rendered speechless. Hence, a state of being totally ignorant. 

 

How blissful would that be?...

 

Proost!

The year 2014 has almost come to a close. For the Canadians in British Columbia that is. My 'kiwi' friends in New Zealand have already been celebrating the new year for about 10 hours. Not that many of them will notice anymore, as their state will be quite comparable to an intoxicated skunk. Even the Dutchies will beat me to it with only a couple of hours to go. Baking the famous 'Dutch doughnuts', or 'oliebollen' as they are called in my mother tongue,  must be in full swing over there right now. Perhaps the phase of devouring them, covered with a blanket of icing sugar, has already been entered. Speaking of which, I have tried to locate a bakery in the Fraser valley that does cater for the Duchies living around here. 'Oliebollen-wise' that is. As it turned out, there are not many bakers around that either are skilled enough to bake a decent 'oliebol', or stupid enough to be willing to stand in the oily smoke, that rises up from the frying pan, for hours. It therefore seems that I have to do without the traditional 'new years eve snack.' This is not the only huge difference between being in the Netherlands or in Surrey in the prelude to the new year. It is quiet outside. How amazing is that? No punks, toting backpacks stuffed with fire crackers, avalanche rockets and the like wandering through the streets, lighting them at will on the last days of the year. I must admit though that the people in my neighborhood, predominantly from Punjabi origin, have lit enough fire crackers before, during and after their celebration of Diwali, to last several new years eves.

The main reason for the absence of loud bangs outside may therefore well be that they have run out. And I have not come across the clamorous signs indicating locations where one can stock up, like in the Netherlands. 


It is not all bad news though. One important element of welcoming the new year has been taken care of, very adequately I must say, by miss P. We have stocked up on a few bottles of bubbly wine, better known as champagne. And not the cheap 'prone to cause a headache variety' at that. Not that I am much of a fan myself. I somehow fail to see the point in paying a lot of money for white wine with air, as I figure that adding air to white wine cannot be that difficult that it warrants a giant hike in the price of the base product. Same thing with holes in cheese, or dough-nuts for that matter. I would not go that far though to sit at the side line, watching the corks being popped and the contents disappear in the throats of others. A helping hand will be much appreciated I assume. And I am happy to lend it.  

 

Proost...!!

Odds

I consider myself a frequent visitor of Vancouver Island, due to the number of trips I have made across the Georgia Strait. This means that I have been subjected to the services of BC Ferries a lot. Not that I had a choice, because it is the only way to get across from the mainland by car. Sure, there are planes flying in and out of Qualicum Beach but they are rather small and certainly do not have enough room to store all the goodies that I used to bring with me for my family. So BC Ferries it is then, sadly enough. As I call myself an expert in the field of BC Ferries service performance, I have concluded that their service could do with a bit of actualization to bring it into the 21st century. And I am not the only person who is complaining about the crappy way the ferries are run nowadays. But do not despair, as there may be a major improvement on the way I discovered this morning on the Vancouver Sun website, and from an unexpected direction.

'A giant slab of rock sliding in from the Pacific is exerting so much pressure on the west coast of North America it is warping Vancouver Island, tilting it higher and squeezing it a few centimeters eastward every year.'

How is that for good news? I immediately fired up my computer to figure out how long I will have to wait till I can drive from the mainland straight onto Vancouver Island. 

Well, the result is somewhat disappointing, although it may well be competing with BC Ferries as far as the speed of implementing improvements is concerned. Let us assume that the existing ferry-ramp in Courtenay will be used, and that only the body of water between Vancouver Island and Texada Island has to be closed. From there it will only be a 'hop-skip-and-jump' to the main land. I suggest a few bridges, obviously with a large stretch of rubber to accommodate for the movement of the landmasses on either end. Or better still, when Texada Island has joined the mainland at that time there may well be no more need for bridges. Anyway, there are still roughly 20 kilometers to be covered which means that, at the current speed of 2 centimeters per year, I will have to wait 1 million years. A time-span that I would label 'not feasible'. Unless you believe in reincarnation, which I do not. 

Also bear in mind that there is no guarantee that your patience will be rewarded, reincarnation or not. It is the Vancouver Sun that brings 'not so good tidings' at this time of the year, in contrast to what the public expects at this time of the year. From what I gather it is altogether questionable whether there still will be a mainland to travel from. Or an island to travel to for that matter

‘Catastrophic’ earthquake and tsunami brewing off B.C. coast.' 

The odds seem to be favoring BC Ferries after all. Meaning that I will have to grit my teeth and endure the less than adequate BC Ferries service a bit longer...

 

Boxing Day mayhem

I have never been much of a X-mas 'afficianado' myself. After all, it normally is all about stuffing as much food in your mouth as possible. Consequently, people are looking more and more like the bird they are devouring during X-mas, stuffed turkey. It is totally understandable as well. Heavy snowfall and frosty weather are enough to keep most people inside. That is, in the northern hemisphere. And what else is there to do than eat? Things are changing however. Nowadays, thanks to global warming, temperatures in winter are almost as high as they are in the summer. No more excuse to only sit at the dinner table waving your cutlery and shoving food into your mouth. For me it is therefore very convenient to be staying in Canada, a country that is known for its harsh wintery weather and its close proximity to the North Pole. And did we get a lot of it on X-mas day? No we did not. At least not on Vancouver Island. The white roofs on X-mas morning were merely an indication of a frosty night though, but enough of an excuse for me to join my family for a copious X-mas dinner. Twice. Very nice.
Unlike the Netherlands, Canada does only have one X-mas day. Probably because Santa Claus works a bit harder here and only needs one day to get all the presents delivered to the anxiously waiting kids. The nice ones, not the naughty ones to be precise. However, the 26th of December is pretty much spent the same way as it is in the Netherlands. Shopping. Boxing Day, as it is called, is the day to get out and about to hunt for bargains. Not for me though as I know how these things work. Also pretty much the same as in the Netherlands. Prices will be gradually raised from the summer onwards toward December. The discount given on Boxing Day will pretty much lower the price to summer level. The best time to go X-mas shopping therefore is the summertime. No fooling me there. 

For those poor souls that cannot avoid the Boxing Day mayhem, I would advice to go out later in the afternoon, closer to dusk, and choose Ladysmith as the place to do so. The 'city of lights' it is called these days, and for a reason. Every year in the weeks before X-mas, the retailers of Ladysmith put up thousands of lights in the streets and shop facades  of this otherwise unubtrusive town. For bargain hunting shoppers it has the advantage of being able to see where you are going in the dark. And for those that are dragged along by their partners it offers the opportunity to divert there view from the 'bling bling' pointed out by their 'better halves' to all the splendor on display in the streets. Much cheaper as well.

Boxing Day mayhem is thus made a bit more bearable...

Ai Kakou

Unlike what a lot of people think, it is not the warm and sunny weather at this time of the year, the luke warm 

Pacific you can endlessly float around in or the abundance of scarcely clad ladies parading up and down the waterfront that makes you visit Hawaii. Nope. After all, you can also float around in the Dead Sea and with less effort at that. And the sun also shines in Florida, similarly enticing ladies into parading. So I figured it must be the food. Mind you, I am making a general assumption here because for me it all has to 

to do with tracking migrating Canadians. Yeahh right. 

As far as food goes, Maui has a lot to offer. The easiest solution to quiet down your rumbling stomach is to go for 'road kill'. And even that can be found in the shop, next to 'beef jerky'. Of course, you can have a go at it yourself but that is a bit of a challenge. Driving around the island I came across animals that were to big to knock over with a compact size car, like cows, or to small, like the indian mongoose. Diverting your attention to the waterways does not help either. There are sea turtles swimming around, and yes I have encountered a few, but they are not

meant to be made into turtle soup. After all, that was the main reason why it took so long to give them a proper name, other than 'soup turtle'. On the way home from far away, sailors simply ate them all so no turtle made it to the motherland for a long time.

With the options of being self sufficient having dwindled drastically, there is one alternative left. Visit one of the many many establishments on the island that offer food. Be it at the road side, obeying the golden rule 'peel it, cook it or forget it', or in town, there is an abundance of them around. Spoilt for choice I would say.

A special word of advice is in place when you would like to go out for dinner at 'Kula Lodge'. After a rather long drive to get there, you are welcomed by a friendly lady who sits you down in a nicely decorated dining area. It is almost X-mas remember. But make sure that your servant is not named 'Tim'. Not only does he not know the difference beween 'pro secco' and 'dry white wine', he only provides forks on request and is grumpy as well. As far as the food goes, stay away from the risotto as it is quite similar to rice pudding. On the other hand, 'pine apple upside down cake', to me a disclaimer for whenever the piece of cake falls over on the plate, is not to be left standing.  

Ai kakou...