Proost!

The year 2014 has almost come to a close. For the Canadians in British Columbia that is. My 'kiwi' friends in New Zealand have already been celebrating the new year for about 10 hours. Not that many of them will notice anymore, as their state will be quite comparable to an intoxicated skunk. Even the Dutchies will beat me to it with only a couple of hours to go. Baking the famous 'Dutch doughnuts', or 'oliebollen' as they are called in my mother tongue,  must be in full swing over there right now. Perhaps the phase of devouring them, covered with a blanket of icing sugar, has already been entered. Speaking of which, I have tried to locate a bakery in the Fraser valley that does cater for the Duchies living around here. 'Oliebollen-wise' that is. As it turned out, there are not many bakers around that either are skilled enough to bake a decent 'oliebol', or stupid enough to be willing to stand in the oily smoke, that rises up from the frying pan, for hours. It therefore seems that I have to do without the traditional 'new years eve snack.' This is not the only huge difference between being in the Netherlands or in Surrey in the prelude to the new year. It is quiet outside. How amazing is that? No punks, toting backpacks stuffed with fire crackers, avalanche rockets and the like wandering through the streets, lighting them at will on the last days of the year. I must admit though that the people in my neighborhood, predominantly from Punjabi origin, have lit enough fire crackers before, during and after their celebration of Diwali, to last several new years eves.

The main reason for the absence of loud bangs outside may therefore well be that they have run out. And I have not come across the clamorous signs indicating locations where one can stock up, like in the Netherlands. 


It is not all bad news though. One important element of welcoming the new year has been taken care of, very adequately I must say, by miss P. We have stocked up on a few bottles of bubbly wine, better known as champagne. And not the cheap 'prone to cause a headache variety' at that. Not that I am much of a fan myself. I somehow fail to see the point in paying a lot of money for white wine with air, as I figure that adding air to white wine cannot be that difficult that it warrants a giant hike in the price of the base product. Same thing with holes in cheese, or dough-nuts for that matter. I would not go that far though to sit at the side line, watching the corks being popped and the contents disappear in the throats of others. A helping hand will be much appreciated I assume. And I am happy to lend it.  

 

Proost...!!

Odds

I consider myself a frequent visitor of Vancouver Island, due to the number of trips I have made across the Georgia Strait. This means that I have been subjected to the services of BC Ferries a lot. Not that I had a choice, because it is the only way to get across from the mainland by car. Sure, there are planes flying in and out of Qualicum Beach but they are rather small and certainly do not have enough room to store all the goodies that I used to bring with me for my family. So BC Ferries it is then, sadly enough. As I call myself an expert in the field of BC Ferries service performance, I have concluded that their service could do with a bit of actualization to bring it into the 21st century. And I am not the only person who is complaining about the crappy way the ferries are run nowadays. But do not despair, as there may be a major improvement on the way I discovered this morning on the Vancouver Sun website, and from an unexpected direction.

'A giant slab of rock sliding in from the Pacific is exerting so much pressure on the west coast of North America it is warping Vancouver Island, tilting it higher and squeezing it a few centimeters eastward every year.'

How is that for good news? I immediately fired up my computer to figure out how long I will have to wait till I can drive from the mainland straight onto Vancouver Island. 

Well, the result is somewhat disappointing, although it may well be competing with BC Ferries as far as the speed of implementing improvements is concerned. Let us assume that the existing ferry-ramp in Courtenay will be used, and that only the body of water between Vancouver Island and Texada Island has to be closed. From there it will only be a 'hop-skip-and-jump' to the main land. I suggest a few bridges, obviously with a large stretch of rubber to accommodate for the movement of the landmasses on either end. Or better still, when Texada Island has joined the mainland at that time there may well be no more need for bridges. Anyway, there are still roughly 20 kilometers to be covered which means that, at the current speed of 2 centimeters per year, I will have to wait 1 million years. A time-span that I would label 'not feasible'. Unless you believe in reincarnation, which I do not. 

Also bear in mind that there is no guarantee that your patience will be rewarded, reincarnation or not. It is the Vancouver Sun that brings 'not so good tidings' at this time of the year, in contrast to what the public expects at this time of the year. From what I gather it is altogether questionable whether there still will be a mainland to travel from. Or an island to travel to for that matter

‘Catastrophic’ earthquake and tsunami brewing off B.C. coast.' 

The odds seem to be favoring BC Ferries after all. Meaning that I will have to grit my teeth and endure the less than adequate BC Ferries service a bit longer...

 

Boxing Day mayhem

I have never been much of a X-mas 'afficianado' myself. After all, it normally is all about stuffing as much food in your mouth as possible. Consequently, people are looking more and more like the bird they are devouring during X-mas, stuffed turkey. It is totally understandable as well. Heavy snowfall and frosty weather are enough to keep most people inside. That is, in the northern hemisphere. And what else is there to do than eat? Things are changing however. Nowadays, thanks to global warming, temperatures in winter are almost as high as they are in the summer. No more excuse to only sit at the dinner table waving your cutlery and shoving food into your mouth. For me it is therefore very convenient to be staying in Canada, a country that is known for its harsh wintery weather and its close proximity to the North Pole. And did we get a lot of it on X-mas day? No we did not. At least not on Vancouver Island. The white roofs on X-mas morning were merely an indication of a frosty night though, but enough of an excuse for me to join my family for a copious X-mas dinner. Twice. Very nice.
Unlike the Netherlands, Canada does only have one X-mas day. Probably because Santa Claus works a bit harder here and only needs one day to get all the presents delivered to the anxiously waiting kids. The nice ones, not the naughty ones to be precise. However, the 26th of December is pretty much spent the same way as it is in the Netherlands. Shopping. Boxing Day, as it is called, is the day to get out and about to hunt for bargains. Not for me though as I know how these things work. Also pretty much the same as in the Netherlands. Prices will be gradually raised from the summer onwards toward December. The discount given on Boxing Day will pretty much lower the price to summer level. The best time to go X-mas shopping therefore is the summertime. No fooling me there. 

For those poor souls that cannot avoid the Boxing Day mayhem, I would advice to go out later in the afternoon, closer to dusk, and choose Ladysmith as the place to do so. The 'city of lights' it is called these days, and for a reason. Every year in the weeks before X-mas, the retailers of Ladysmith put up thousands of lights in the streets and shop facades  of this otherwise unubtrusive town. For bargain hunting shoppers it has the advantage of being able to see where you are going in the dark. And for those that are dragged along by their partners it offers the opportunity to divert there view from the 'bling bling' pointed out by their 'better halves' to all the splendor on display in the streets. Much cheaper as well.

Boxing Day mayhem is thus made a bit more bearable...

Ai Kakou

Unlike what a lot of people think, it is not the warm and sunny weather at this time of the year, the luke warm 

Pacific you can endlessly float around in or the abundance of scarcely clad ladies parading up and down the waterfront that makes you visit Hawaii. Nope. After all, you can also float around in the Dead Sea and with less effort at that. And the sun also shines in Florida, similarly enticing ladies into parading. So I figured it must be the food. Mind you, I am making a general assumption here because for me it all has to 

to do with tracking migrating Canadians. Yeahh right. 

As far as food goes, Maui has a lot to offer. The easiest solution to quiet down your rumbling stomach is to go for 'road kill'. And even that can be found in the shop, next to 'beef jerky'. Of course, you can have a go at it yourself but that is a bit of a challenge. Driving around the island I came across animals that were to big to knock over with a compact size car, like cows, or to small, like the indian mongoose. Diverting your attention to the waterways does not help either. There are sea turtles swimming around, and yes I have encountered a few, but they are not

meant to be made into turtle soup. After all, that was the main reason why it took so long to give them a proper name, other than 'soup turtle'. On the way home from far away, sailors simply ate them all so no turtle made it to the motherland for a long time.

With the options of being self sufficient having dwindled drastically, there is one alternative left. Visit one of the many many establishments on the island that offer food. Be it at the road side, obeying the golden rule 'peel it, cook it or forget it', or in town, there is an abundance of them around. Spoilt for choice I would say.

A special word of advice is in place when you would like to go out for dinner at 'Kula Lodge'. After a rather long drive to get there, you are welcomed by a friendly lady who sits you down in a nicely decorated dining area. It is almost X-mas remember. But make sure that your servant is not named 'Tim'. Not only does he not know the difference beween 'pro secco' and 'dry white wine', he only provides forks on request and is grumpy as well. As far as the food goes, stay away from the risotto as it is quite similar to rice pudding. On the other hand, 'pine apple upside down cake', to me a disclaimer for whenever the piece of cake falls over on the plate, is not to be left standing.  

Ai kakou... 

A hui kaua

There are quite a few Candians who do not like the drop in temperature that comes with the wintery season. And like the Dutchies they opt for a warmer place to stay during the coldest months of the year. But where do they go to and what do they do when they get there? I wanted to know and thus decided to dig into it. 

At the airport I noticed a suspicious number of Canadians boarding Westjet planes.

And as the name suggests, they are flying west to....Hawaii. Yep. The first group of islands you can land on is 'aloha' Hawaii.


Obviously not a bad choice as the president of the United States himself also resides in Hawaii during X-mas. And when itis good enough for Obama, it is good enough for me.

We chose to go with the flow and fly to Maui. An island that is higly recommended when you are into nature, wind-, wave- and kitesurfing and beautiful sunsets. For the connoisseurs

among us, Ho'okipa is famous for those kind of activities, and a lot of people know this by the look of it. 

Having chased the Canadian X-mas exodus to Maui I was very keen on getting to know what they actually do once they have arrived. 

Nothing much really. Lying on the beach, watching the sunset from the beach of Kihei and having dinner in one of the many places along South Kihei road. Of course I had to found out myself and having done so, I can recommend 'Cafe O'lei.

Yep, I know it is spelled incorrectly but they are forgiven because the food and atmosphere are excellent. And what is even better, it is within walking distane from the place Miss P. and I are staying. To contradict Al Gore, 'A convenient truth'. 



And on that bombshell, to mimick Jeremy Clarkson I end with saying 'a hui kaua... 

Sandbags

If there ever would have been something that could blow me away it would be force 9 from the west in Vancouver. Now, I know that Last week has been quite a windy one in the Netherlands. But let me assure you, so it can be in the Fraser valley as I found out. The met-office issued a warning for gale force winds to be hammering the west coast of British Columbia. It was forecast to get so precarious  that as a precaution sandbags were filled and stacked at the vulnerable locations along the coast. And it did help. Neither did we got flooded, nor did I have to get my wellies or waders out to help evacuate the elderly, thanks for that. However, not everyone was as lucky as we were over here in Surrey, as we are quite high up here. It could have been worse. Much worse, as I learned watching the news. I agree, one could argue that it is only a rinse to get rid of the dust, but I am sure that the house owners in question would have a hard time agreeing with you on that. Especially when it is not the first time that they are hit by bad luck. Although I would like to argue that it has more to do with being persistently stupid than bad luck. Honestly, how daft does one has to be, to be fooled by nature a couple of times in a row? It is like living in tornado alley in the United States and be bewildered that the wind is picking up on occasion. Or, closer to home, like building your house in the flood plains of the river Rhine and complain about it being flooded when the water level rises. Get yourself an ark would be my advice. It worked for Noah. Well, as soon as he got the problem with the beavers worked out that is, as these little animals like to chew on wood. Yep, we know it now but I doubt whether the knowledge about the animal kingdom was that advanced in these days. Would it have been then Noah just could have fed a couple of strips of chewing gum to the beaver family. Problem solved. 

The expected catastrophe did not happen after all. In the end, the forecast was much worse than the outcome. There were no floods at all, bar for a few minor ones. A few branches got blown of trees, and trees

 








got blown over. Business as usual, albeit not for everyone. The bald eagle that had chosen a high tree along 168th street as a vantage point near the Serpentine River, woke up the other morning to soon find out that his look-out had been blown over and it had to improvise. A telephone pole was all that was left for the poor bird to retreat to. On the bright side, it did not have them bloody leaves blocking its sight anymore. Fishing all of a sudden got a lot easier. 

There is a lesson to be learned here. Do not rely on the forecast provided by the met-office. There is a reason you know why it is called a forecast and not a prediction. No liability for one and there is room left for maneuvering as well. Like, 'well we did forecast there to be a class 5 tornado, but you know the weather can be sort of unpredictable'. Yeah right. Better to rely on farmers wisdom.

My advice would be to all move to Surrey, and get rid of the wellies and the shovels. 

No more sandbags to fill...

Black out

Have you ever wondered why X-mas is celebrated at the end of December, in the darkest time of winter? I am talking about the Northern hemisphere here of course. Our fellow commonwealth members, Kangaroos and Springboks have to make something of X-mas in the scorching heat and with daylight staying on forever. Not here in Canada, where it is winter and getting dark pretty early. So, back to our question, why? I can think of a few very obvious reasons. For one, Santa Klaus could easily be spotted driving his sleigh through the sky in broad daylight. Or worse, he could be shot down when flying past without dropping presents in chimneys.  People are not that patient anymore and guns are readily availabe. Also, the star of Bethlehem would be totally invisible, so you would not know where to go. And then there is a less obvious reason, lights. Eindhoven may have its 'Glow' festival every year, and Paris may be the city of lights, it all pales into insignificance compared to the exuberant display of light Canadians present. Now, not everyone lives in a mansion and has plenty of space to nail lights to, or put illuminated copies of Santa and Rudolph up. Not a problem, as professionals cater for these less fortunate. The botanical gardens of Van Dusen are so brightly lit that airline pilots get confused as to where Vancouver Airport is actually located. And even the representatives of the people in British Columbia, join in by putting a lot of lights on Parliament Building. 

 

Not much of this splendor would be visible in the midst of summer I am sure. And then there are the private home owners. Quite a few of them go totally bananas when it comes to lights. I would settle for a few LED-lights to keep the costs down, as it is an expensive time anyway. But not these people. No horses could drag me into putting up such a display in the first place, and then lighting it night after night till X-mas.

 

Not only would the power meter go berserk, the bright light would also force me to wear shades to be able to fall asleep. Obviously, there are people that do not mind at all. And quite a few of them at that. There are consequences as well, as I learned from the Vancouver Sun:

"The storm’s high winds also knocked out power to about 11,000 customers...

Well, that is what they think. I know better. And it is likely to happen again tonight or any night when in thousands of Canadian houses the plug for the X-mas light display is plugged in. 

Black out... 

 

Pressing matters

With X-mas just around the corner there is an ongoing lively debate on the radio about the question what tree to choose, a real tree or a fake one. And although I fully understand that the answer to this question can mean the difference between life and death for some of us, I had never imagined that it would be such a big deal in Canada. Let's face it, over here all it takes to get a real X-mas tree is the cover of darkness, an abundance of trees to choose from and a saw. Darkness is more or less guaranteed at this time of the year. Dusk falls at about 4.30 pm which leaves plenty of time to go 'tree hunting'. I can assure you that there are a lot of 'free range' X-mas trees around in the Fraser Valley. As far as the saw is concerned, it is advised to use a handsaw. Chainsaws make a lot of noise. You do not want that. It may not only alarm the Police but also wake up the odd bear that just has gone into hibernation and most likely will be a bit cranky when woken up. Even the size of tree is a no-brainer as it is determined by the size of vehicle you take into the woods. It should neither be too big nor too small. The tree that is.

Too small...

Too big...

Case closed I would say. Lets move on to more pressing matters, like what to have for X-mas dinner. How difficult can it be?  

Well, judging by the discussion on 'Jack FM', the local radio station, it is quite difficult. Kiah and Tara Jean have a hard time reaching an agreement. And it does not get any better when the producer 'Big Ginger', presumably named after his 'tomato-blond' locks, steps in. The great divide appears to exist between 'convenience or cosiness'. The supermarkets are not very helpful either. Before entering the door you have to make your way through a forest of real trees, luring you into buying them. Inside is not a safe haven either as fake trees are awaiting you, in all shapes and sizes.  

What to do? May I suggest to go for 'convenience' and get a 'ready-to-plug-in' tree at a convenience store? There are a few advantages to this strategy. You do not have to go through the hassle of having to put up a tree and water its feet, as you would encounter when going for the 'real tree option'. No need to go into the woods either. Nope. Just open the box at the bottom and pull out the tree. Then, optionally, bend the branches back in shape and insert the plug into the wall-socket. 'Voila' as my friends in Quebec would say. Done and dusted. Putting the tree back in the box after X-mas, to be stored in the attic for next year, is self explanatory. Opening the box at the top and putting the tree in that way is a lot easier than trying to squeeze it in via the bottom of the box with the branches sticking out, obviously.

What would I do? I for one am not that keen on fake trees, how convenient they may be. Life is already filled with enough brummagem. It does not help that the awkward experience of walking around with my socks filled with needles from a real X-mas tree is still vividly stuck in my mind either. I therefore choose not to have a X-mas tree at all. Inside that is. I have already got one in the back yard, that sprinkled with freshly fallen snowflakes looks very X-massy to me. 

Does it have to stop me from going into the woods? Not at all. The roof of a car can also be put to use to transport what is going to be X-mas dinner. Pressing matters, remember...

  

Scheveningen

When you ever want to find out whether someone actually is a Dutchie, there are two questions to ask. One being 'Do you like coffee?' and the other 'Can you skate?' Some additional information may be required concerning the last question as due to global warming not everyone knows that you can also skate on frozen water, also known as ice. Or you can revert to the trick used in WWII and ask the person to pronounce 'Scheveningen'. For most foreigners a tongue twister. Come to think of it, it might even be a better idea to do so. Based on numerous locations where I stumbled over Tim Hortens, Starbucks, McDonalds and the like, I conclude that Canadians do drink coffee. A lot. Not only whilst on the go, but also in the cosiness of their own homes. And unlike in the Netherlands where coffee comes in pathetically small packages, they have decent sized containers here. Reusable as well. This will render my first question useless I am afraid, as the answer will undoubtedly be 'yes'. 

What about ice skating then? For me, one positive answer out of two is good enough. Well, it does not get any better.

Due to arctic air flowing into the Fraser Valley, the temperature has dropped a bit. When I checked the other night it showed -13 C, and the temperature failed to get above freezing during the day as well. Dutchies know what that means. A fierce battle between the ice clubs of Noordlaren, Veenoord and Haaksbergen to organize the first speed skating match on natural ice in the Netherlands. In Canada where speed skating out in the open is near to non-existent, I nevertheless spotted a few people moving across frozen water. No big deal I know, unlike moving across unfrozen water without any apparent device. That has only been demonstrated twice. Some 2000 years ago in the Middle East, and recently in London by a guy named Dynamo. Ice skating as it seemed is not typically Dutch anymore. That's my second question down the drain. Canadians do skate on frozen water albeit on slightly different skates. Unlike the long shiny irons that Dutchies strap under their boots, Canadians favor curved and rather short blades. And there is a reason for it as well. Hockey. Nope not the girly sport on fake grass, but a sport for real blokes, on ice in a stadium. They are quite good at it as well. The local team, the Canucks' is on a roll as they have won most of their matches and are only 1 point behind the leader of the National Hockey League. And unlike speed skating where two people move on an oval track for ages before ending up in roughly the same spot, ice hockey games are far more exiting to watch. There is another thing Dutch 'sportsmen' can learn from it. To stop whining when you have to perform more than twice per week. Take the ice hockey player as an example. The regular NHL season runs from early October to April, in which teams play 82 games. And they have to travel a fair bit as well. Howztat for stamina?!

'Scheveningen' it is then... 

Black Friday

Many Dutchies will remember that one Saturday in August when not only many other Dutchies flock the roads in France, but many Frenchies as well. Yep, Black Saturday or 'samedi noir' as my friends in Quebec would say. And I did not choose the term 'flock' by coincidence. Oh no. Because to me the behavior of my fellow countrymen looks strikingly similar to that of a flock of sheep. I have never understood why people voluntarily choose to get toasted in their cars, while chewing on a soggy home-made sandwich, with kids screaming in the backseat, and a fuel gauge that is dropping faster than Felix Baumgartner. Surprisingly though, this behavior is not typically Dutch but has all the characteristics of a pandemic. After 'bloody Sunday', 'blue Monday', 'ruby Tuesday', and 'black Saturday' we also have 'black Friday'. The color, debatable I know, is aptly chosen, as it relates to the kind of sheepish behavior exhibited by motorists on that one day in August on the French roads. 

Retailers have picked the last Friday in November as the day on which shoppers can save a lot of money. Or so they say. And it does not fall on deaf ears either as people without giving it another thought come in droves to the shops to buy whatever they can lay their hands on, not always what they need.

It is therefore of the utmost importance to look with a critical eye to the marketing prose retailers pour out over you and not letting them pull the wool over your eyes. And I am not telling porkies either. There is good reason to be vigilant. Sounds like I am exaggerrating things here a bit you think? Well, do not take it from me but have a look at what the Vancouver Sun reported on their website:

"There is mounting evidence that the Black Friday phenomenon is associated with inflating original prices, creating a false sense of urgency among shoppers and encouraging rash decision-making,”

Sounds familiar? I thought so, as the same happens around 'Sinterklaas' in the Netherlands and unlike the proverbial donkey, Dutchies are fooled again around X-mas. However, do not despair as I got a two-step plan that will save you a lot of hardship, and money:

1. Tell the kids the truth. Sint and Santa are all made up. No need to get presents after that anymore.
2. When they do not get the message, because they pretend not to understand as they want their presents or because they are just stupid, go X-mas shopping during the summer holidays. Chances are that the prices are much lower than in the festive season. And there are no queues at the checkout as most Dutchies are stuck on the French roads in their toasters on wheels.  

There you have it. Dare to be the odd one out. To be the black sheep of the flock and choose a different route. 

 

It may feel like you are a lone wolf for a while but rest assured, greener pastures await you...